Honestly, I struggle with this idea that maybe I, or this marriage, was keeping my husband from becoming the person he was supposed to be. He seems different to me now and he doesn’t watch American Idol anymore. I guess he needed something more and different than what we had. And now, maybe I am becoming the woman I am supposed to be. I’m pursuing my sewing business, I’m finding my spirituality again but I still watch American Idol and The Bachelorette. We are very different people with different beliefs, backgrounds and interests, but that has always been just fine. You know that we all try to accept people just the way they are and if we love them, we cut them some slack and let them be. We also give up some things along the way. I tried to embrace all of his interests and take part in them: cars, trucks, karting, off-roading, traveling, sailing. And he went with me to museums, out for coffee and to concerts that I liked. We traveled the world, we traveled the U.S. in a motorhome, we lived! We had a little boy! But somewhere along the line, something went wrong.
Somewhere along the line he asked “Is this all there is?”
One answer is “Yes”. We have each other, a son, a home, the means to pay for food, bills and entertainment. We have our health, our extended families, a community and we have experienced some pretty amazing things together over the years. I felt like we were happy and were figuring out how to parent and how to “be”. It can be challenging.
One answer is “What do you want?” There are many answers to this question. Some are things in the relationship that need to be addressed and fixed. Some are within the person and there’s not much you can do about it.
One answer is “WTF!!!!!” I never ever use that term but it applies here.
One wish I have that can never come true is that he would have communicated with me earlier somewhere along this line that life was not what he had expected…and maybe there would have been the time and the will to work on it, to change things, to improve things, to reconnect. If you really love and respect someone, you do that. But I also cannot keep someone from becoming their true self, if indeed this is what is happening. My brain and my heart have different opinions about this in a marriage because of the vow we took.
Disconnected, unplugged, not in tune, not on the same page ~ we all feel that at certain times but then come back together. But we needed to work harder at that. We needed to communicate much better.